


Odyssey of Minds - Donna

by lemotmo



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s06e09 Impact Winter, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-09
Updated: 2005-10-09
Packaged: 2019-05-30 23:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemotmo/pseuds/lemotmo
Summary: Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.





	1. People Move On - Donna

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 1: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Impact Winter  
**Written:** 1/5/05  


People move on - Donna's POV 

'I quit.' 

I've done it, I've said it and then actually went through with it, which is more than I've ever done in the past. In those days it was always the other way around. He'd fire me, and I was always the 'impervious one'. Now, however, here I am ... I quit. The word still feels heavy on my tongue whenever I say it ... quit - quit - quit. 

Huh, it's weird though. As happy as I am about sitting behind this desk in my brand new office, I still can't shake the feeling that I did something wrong. Which is absurd, 'cause he is the one who pushed me to take these extreme measures. He just would not listen. And that's exactly what I don't understand. I mean, he has teased me and annoyed me by pretending not to hear me before, but this time he didn't even take the time. 

He made fun of me when I told him I wanted to have a serious conversation about my job and my unchanging responsibilities in the White House. If he had just listened and talked to me, maybe ... oh, who am I kidding? He would have freaked out if I had told him even half of the things I was having problems with. Not to mention the fact that he would have physically chained me to his desk and called the men with the straightjackets, if I had ever told him that I was actually considering working for Bingo 'Bob' Russell. Hmm, intolerable jackass! 

And there we come to the core of the problem. Somewhere along the line he stopped noticing me. He was too damn busy having his own private pity-party for the way he was being treated by his co-workers, his 'supposed' friends. You know? Thinking about it ... I wonder if he even realized I was gone today. Did he have a reaction when he understood that I wasn't going to show up this morning or ever again, for that matter? The idiot probably thought I was kidding yesterday ... that I was joking around and that, today, Donnatella Moss, his faithful doormat would be at his beck and call again. Battling and slaying evil Republican demons, taking care of him and doing everything humanly -and inhumanly- possible to make him feel appreciated, even if it meant putting aside her own wishes. Well, not anymore! Yeah, I'm free again! 

It's just, God ... I hate myself for admitting this, but ... I kinda liked doing all those things for him ... with him. I think it was the whole 'me and Josh' against the world, you know? It felt good to take a stand against all the others, just 'us' and no one else. It felt comfortable ... 'too' comfortable in the end. I woke up one day and I realized that it just wasn't enough anymore. I needed more, I needed independence and strength. I needed to get away from the suffocating atmosphere I was working in. It just wasn't fulfilling my needs anymore. And then the job offer came and it sounded so good. My own desk and staff, not to mention the pay rise. I was tempted and when Josh refused to acknowledge any of my worries, I just got angry ... well, 'furious' is a word that probable fits better in this scenario. And then I just called Will and told him I took the job. 

Tsss, how did it ever come to this? Do you know that he came all the way to Germany for me? I swear to God, he did ... just for me. I still can't quite grasp why he did that, if his only intention was going back to ignoring me once I set foot on American soil again. And I suppose that, somewhere in the back of my mind, in the tiniest corner hidden away behind all the denial and misdirection, I kinda hoped that things would change on a more personal level between us. I really expected it after that week, but it soon became clear that that wasn't the case. I think it was then that it started to dawn on me that he would never get it and that I was wasting my time, waiting for him to make a move. I realized that I had to leave and change my life drastically if I still wanted to make something of it. 

So, that's what I did. I got away and escaped my job to save my heart. And now I'm sitting at this desk and I'm happy with the professional freedom I achieved. I'm a free and independent woman. I'm my own boss now. I can do whatever I want and go out with whomever I want and no one there to distract me from my professional goals anymore. There's just this one tiny glitch though. If I escaped my job as Josh's assistant to save my heart, then why is it that that same heart, that was still whole yesterday, feels like it has been broken, shattered, defeated and trampled on today? But, I suppose it's too late for an answer to that question now, isn't it? 


	2. Call Donna - Donna

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 2: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Faith-based Initiative  
**Written:** 1/11/05  


Call Donna - Donna's POV 

So, here I am ... still sitting at the desk in my brand new office in the 'Russell for President'-headquarters in New Hampshire. And am I doing any work? You would think so, since I am sitting here. Normally, sitting at a desk implies 'actually working at the desk', which is what I should be doing. But, no, I'm not doing anything. Why? Well, because exactly 4 minutes and 43 seconds ago, a congressman from Texas announced, on national television, that he is running for President. And as the camera panned out on the bystanders, who was standing there like he owned the world, with a cocky grin firmly in place? The only man that can make me lose control like this. Exactly ... Josh Lyman. 

Oh, there is no doubt in my mind that it was Josh who convinced Santos to go for the Presidency. I am, however, intrigued by how he got him to run? And when? And then there's the most pressing question of them all: 'Why didn't he call me?'! He made this huge life-altering decision and he didn't call me? How dare he do this to me? Well, and to the President too, of course. But, most of all, to me. All the effort and the hard work I had put in making a stand and leaving with my head held up, just to show him that I wasn't to be pushed around anymore. To let him feel what it's like without me around. He was supposed to fall to shambles and feel terribly guilty and heartbroken because I wasn't there anymore. He wasn't supposed to see it as sign that it was time for him to move on as well! All of it is ruined now. 

He's moving on and he didn't tell me. What? He couldn't have just picked up the phone and dialled my number? Okay, granted, I didn't tell him that I was going to New Hampshire either ... but still ... I had a genuine reason to leave. He was holding me back and I was tired of being his girl Friday when I wanted to be so much more to him. And even though I swore to myself to forget about Josh Lyman, there was always this small part of me that kept hoping that he'd come to his senses and admit to me that he'd missed me and that he wanted me in his life again. Now, that chance just flew out the door, straight to Matt Santos' Presidential campaign. We're in two separate camps now. Josh has just become the enemy. Besides, he won't have time for me. All of his devotion will be focused on 'the real thing' in the political and not the personal sense. 

So, yeah, I'm sitting here at my desk, contemplating where my plan failed me and I suddenly realise something. This was always how it was supposed to end, I just never wanted to see it. There was never a future for 'us' ... that was just a silly dream from a college drop-out. I should be happy that I've detached myself from someone who was deliberately holding me back and kept giving me under-qualified work. Right? If so, then tell me, why is it that I feel so small right now? I keep asking myself if I can honestly do this? Can I do this job without Josh? What if they find out I'm just a fake and they fire me? Where do I go? All these questions and no answers. 

I have to stop this line of thinking. I can't do this to myself. The times when I got myself into trouble, only to run straight to 'Josh the Saviour', is over. From now on, I have to learn to function as an individual and start thinking for myself. No more Josh telling me that it's going to be all right. So, he has moved on. So, what? Good for him, he didn't get the respect that he deserved at the White House and I hope he finds happiness and appreciation on the path he's chosen now. I've picked another path, however, one leading towards the other direction. And this is the day and the time to start showing him -and the world- I can function perfectly without him. 

Today, the new career-woman that I've become has to come to terms with the fact that 'the man she loves' has just become 'the man to beat' and that he might never be hers, but there is still one thing she can do. She can show him exactly what she's worth by wiping that cocky smirk of his face and beating his egotistical butt in the next election for President of the United States of America. So, that is exactly what she is going to do. 


	3. It's Not a Thing - Donna

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 3: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Opposition Research  
**Written:** 1/19/05  


It's not a thing - Donna's POV 

I can't believe I just did that. 

Guess where I am right now? Yeah, exactly, at my desk. This is starting to become a habit of mine. Sitting at my desk and thinking instead of working. In fact, I should stop calling it 'my office' and refer to it as 'my silent place of contemplation' from now on. But it's just ... 

I still cannot believe I just did that. What was I thinking? 

It all started when I got a call from Will this morning that he wanted me present in one of his meetings with someone from the Santos-camp. It didn't occur to me at the time that it would be him and it should have, I mean, it's not like Santos has a large staff or anything like that. And, really, the only logical thing would have been to send him, but I just never expected it. So, when I walked in there, unsuspecting, I just started talking to Will and then I felt it. That little tingle I used to feel whenever he was close, well ... it was running all over my spine and I just knew. So, I turned around and there he was, looking all ... stunned and pale ... and ... and sad and ... and beautiful. Oh, so beautiful. We both said 'hi' and I just forgot. I forgot all the nastiness and the vows I made to myself not to fall in the same trap again. I forgot that I wanted to beat him in the election just to show him that I can. 

Him and me, that's all there was. No campaigns ... no Will, who was still talking about something I don't recall right now. Just plain 'us', nothing more and nothing less. And then he tore his eyes away to listen to something Will had just said and the moment was gone. And never ... ever in my entire life have I felt so incredibly saddened by the loss of one single moment in time. 

It then hit me full force. Will didn't ask me to be there to back him up in this conversation. He asked me because he knew Josh was coming and he knew that seeing me would throw him off his game. Now, I'm not naïve, I know that people and their emotions are used and abused in politics ... I had just never been 'the means to an end' and it felt horrible. I felt horrible. 

Will is trying to use me to take down Josh and subsequently Santos' campaign. He knows that 'Santos for President' has no chance whatsoever without Josh, so he's trying to nail him any way he can. Even if that includes toying with his emotions ... even if that means, using 'the Donna-card'. 

And then, suddenly, the meeting was over and he left. He just turned around and left. I felt this irrational fear coming up and I couldn't let him go, not like that. So, I ran after him and stopped him to say all those things I had never said before. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, but that it was also his fault and that he had to understand why I did it. I needed to tell him that it wasn't just work, that other factors had weighed in with the decision to leave. I had to say that I didn't leave him, just the job and that we could still be friends. A million thoughts were whirling inside my head, a millions thing I wanted to say, a million gestures I wanted to follow up on. And what did I do? I asked him a question ... a simple question. 

_"Can we not make this a thing?"_

His answer? 

_"It's not a thing."_

And right there, we were back where we started. Nothing solved or talked about, no arguments, no shouting. Just a civil conversation that consisted of two sentences and a whole bucket of disguised sub-layers attached to 'a thing'. I wanted to hit him and scream at him from the top of my lungs. Telling him that he could just shove it and go straight to hell with his 'you can't get to me'-attitude, but I didn't. I kept quiet and let my eyes trail him for a moment while he walked away from me. 

After that, I went back to Will's office. I told him that I didn't appreciate being used as a lever to affect Josh on an emotional level. I got in return that I should really start checking my priorities. I believe his exact words were: 

"If I were you I'd seriously reconsider your ability to do this job. If you can't straighten your priorities in the order that the campaign comes first, then you shouldn't stay, because then you don't belong here. Think long and hard and consider if you are strong enough to play in the big league, 'cause that's where you are right now and you won't get very far if you stay loyal to your former employer. Josh Lyman is no longer your boss or friend, he is now your opponent and your job is to help us beat him. Even if that means using unorthodox ways to get what we want. Do you understand?" 

Oh, I understood all right. I had been given a choice. Either put up with it or there is the door. Huh, let me make one thing absolutely sure so that there's no confusion. I am not giving this up. I finish what I start, I always do ... well, I try to anyway. I love this job and the added responsibility it gives me. I want it and I need it, so I'll definitely stay. And that's what I said to Will. I told him that I can handle the job perfectly and that I don't need Josh for anything. 

And that's when I came to the situation where I blurted out things of which I still can't believe I said them to Josh. I was asked to go and post some letters from Russell supporters to the DNC. I already knew he'd be there, since Santos was scheduled to be there. So, when I got out of the car, there he was talking to some woman called Ronna. I stood there, by his side, for a moment and when I closed my eyes it almost felt like old times. 'Almost' being the operative word, because it was awkward as hell. I couldn't even look him in the eye when I said all those things I shouldn't have. But I still have the ability to sense his reactions. I know Josh and I know how he responds. I could practically hear him cringe when I told him my new job-title. I can't deny that it didn't feel good to gloat about it. Russell gave me the responsibility that he denied me and that has to hurt. And I thought, 'good' ... let it hurt, let him hurt the way he hurt me when he didn't take the time to listen to me. And then I made the fatal mistake of glancing briefly at him and when I caught his reaction- 

Let's just say I'm not too proud of myself right now and that it will take a while before I can come to terms with the guilt I feel. And I realised at that exact moment ... that no matter what he did, this wasn't me. I didn't gloat or use and abuse people for politics. I wasn't that kind off person, so I did the only thing I could do. For just a moment, I returned to my default position of 'loving Josh no matter what' with only one goal in mind. To wipe the beaten look off his face and gear him up for battle again. 

_"You ought to deliver some of those truisms yourself."_

He is free to take it or leave it and to do whatever he wants with this advice. I now feel slightly better about myself, but the guilt is still there. It probably shouldn't be, but I can't get rid of it. All the hurtful things I said. And nothing I can do about it, but sit here and shake my head disbelievingly. I have this feeling, this need to say it out loud. To just throw it out there for the world to know. So, that's what I do. 

"I can't believe I did that!" 

The echo of the words bounces off against the walls, straight back to my ears. And before I can think about it the following words escape my lips: 

"I can't believe he let me." 

And I finally give in to the urge I've been fighting since I first saw him again this morning. I bow my head and I cry. 


	4. Praying You'll Find Me - Donna

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 4: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** King Corn  
**Written:** 2/9/05  


Praying you'll find me - Donna's POV 

I used to have this rhythm to guide me in life. It was a constant ... a given. I had blind faith in it, so I stuck to it and I was happy. I felt that I could deal with whatever came my way. I stood tall and strong and I made sure people listened to me. I focused, organised and delegated where needed. The flow of the beat brought me to new heights and never stopped challenging me to do better. Goals were set, only to be met within a reasonable amount of time. The rhythm didn't scare me, it fed me, guided me and brought me where I wanted to be. 

This night, however, in a pitch-black impersonal hotel room, I'm alone. The continuous beat of comfort is long gone and the certainties that once seemed so clear have all vaporised into thin air. This is the hour when anxiety knocks on my door and I break down. 

This is the time when I tend to wake up to horrible images of fire and the stench of burning human flesh. The dreams burn away my sanity. I hurt ... I hurt so much that I sometimes feel like screaming it all out. But, in the end, I'm too conscious of the world around me to follow up on that. So, all I'm left with is whispers, uttered in a dark room. 

When did this happen? When did I become this hollow copy of myself? Every day I get up, go over to the campaign headquarters and do what I'm supposed to do, with a high success rate, but without any emotion. I'm like a wooden puppet ... I go out there and get the job done. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Will doesn't complain. He believes me to be a professional and independent woman with an attitude of 'you ask and I deliver'. He doesn't know that what he sees are only the walls of a façade I built. And while I'm performing in this sad masquerade, he never sees me. He never even tries. 

Lying awake, I realise that I've come to fear the night and the sleep that I used to love so much. Whenever I close my eyes, it's there ... the smoke ... the smell ... the heat. The fragile walls I meticulously built during the day, cave in like a card-house and what's left is a naked puddle of misery. I'm stripped bare and my eyes are burning with tears of anger and frustration. I'm so damn tired of feeling guilty for something I had no control over. Why did I get in 'that' car and not the other one? Why did the others die? Why did I live? Why ... why ... why ... a thousand questions mulling around in my head and answers never come. 

It's at times like these, when my whole world falls apart, that I want to pick up the phone and call him. Ironically, I wouldn't even have to do that tonight. I could just open my door, cross the hall and knock on his door. He would open the door with sleep filled eyes and I would hit him, yell at him and scream like a banshee. And he'd let me, because he understands, because he's been in this godforsaken place too and he managed to return. After I had ranted and raved, he'd catch me in his arms and he would whisper soothing words in my ear. He'd tell me that he's there for me, every step of the way. And, just like that, the rhythm would return, slowly but certain ... like a heartbeat. 

I wonder sometimes ... if I had stayed with him, would I have found myself in the same state of mind? Would he have noticed that something was wrong? You won't hear me admit it ever again, but him threatening to find out about my emotional struggle, was one of the reasons I left. Oh, there's no doubt that it was time to move on. I was stuck in that job, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I also realised that he would figure it all out eventually. We worked so closely together that he couldn't have missed it. I know it's a fact that he can be a bit slow to catch up sometimes, but if anyone has ever had the ability to see through me, it's Josh. 

I don't know why I keep thinking about him though. 'Cause when it comes down to it, I never pick up the phone and neither will I cross the hall to knock on his door tonight. That's not the way this story goes. You see, you have to understand ... I lived when they didn't. That's my burden to bear and my guilt to carry. So I'll get out of bed every morning and struggle through each day, because I owe it to them. I'll be smart and witty and will occasionally even feel genuine happiness, because my life didn't end in a blown-up car. But, no one will ever know how much I hurt in silence during the long nights. For it's only then, in the darkness with no one to guide me, that I'm truly alone. It's then that I pray to everything holy and unholy out there, but redemption never comes. 

It's almost time to get up now and I'm tired, but I won't sleep. Every time I doze off, my biggest fear has a chance to creep up on me and I refuse to give it that opportunity. I've got a lot of work to do today, so I'll focus on that and forget about the night and the gloomy thoughts it brings, if only for a couple of hours. And tonight, the cycle will recommence. 

I'm beginning to realise that my own little world, hidden deep within my mind, keeps getting darker and darker. And you know what? 

I lack the strength to get through this without the steadying force in my life. 

I miss that force. 

I miss him. 

But, unless he can somehow gather enough courage to cross that hall and knock on my door, everything will stay the same. I'll keep sitting here, caught between these self fabricated walls, with absolutely nowhere to go. 


	5. Alienation and Nothingness - Donna

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 5: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Freedonia  
**Written:** 2/22/05  


Alienation and nothingness - Donna's POV 

A Chicken. He sends a chicken. We're trying to win a campaign and he ... he sends a chicken! Of all the lame assed, stupid, idiotic ... absolutely brilliant things to do. There was no way they could afford airtime, so he fixed it that they got in the news for free. Yeah, I'm 100% sure that he came up with it. No one else would come up with the scheme to put two grown men in chicken suits and send them over to the opposing candidates. It's something so far out there that only his warped political mind could have come up with that. The thing is ... I can't blame him. I mean, it was very sneaky, but it was also original and honest. It was, in fact, the complete opposite of that horrible anti-Hoynes ad we put out there. 

I felt dirty. Just being a member of the Russell-campaign, that came up with the ad, made me feel foul and horrible. And you know what the funny thing is? When I worked for Josh, I never had to do something that made me feel disgusting like that. Just like I'm now sure that the Santos-campaign will never descend to our level. Not even if that means losing. I watched Santos speak on national TV tonight and instead of being angry and trying to come up with ways to beat him, I watched and listened. He just told the American people that this wasn't about finding cheap tricks to get rid of your opponent. It was all about debate and raising the level of honesty, because this was a Presidential Election and nothing is more important than that. I now understand why Josh left for Santos. 'Cause in a way, he is Santos. Chickens and talking about honesty on national TV is a very Josh-thing to do. Bashing ads and cleaning up after your candidate to make people forget about his 'Freedonia'-stupidity is a very Will-thing to do. And that's where the two candidates and campaign managers are different. Santos and Josh would never be willing to sell their soul for the presidential seat, Russell and Will on the other hand- 

He asked me out today. No, not Josh ... Will. Oh, I know, according to him he wasn't asking me OUT out. He was just asking a friend to join him for dinner. But, I've been asked out before and I can tell when a man is asking me out. I don't know how to react to that. I'm afraid that, if I rebuff him too strongly, I'll alienate one of the only people I actually know on this campaign. This is all so frustrating. An intelligent good-looking guy makes a pass at me and tells me he's interested, while the guy I'm interested in is off reliving his past with his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, I know about Amy. Will told me. He said that Santos had hired her himself. I'm not sure how to take that. Part of me is scared that they'll end up together again, 'cause I'm not convinced that Josh isn't attracted to her anymore. And he may be a major jackass, but he still deserves better than Amy. The only problem being that he doesn't believe that himself. He thinks that the Amys of the world are the only women that want to be with him. After all, he's a guy with a large scar on both his chest and soul. Who would want a man like that? Honestly ... all he ever had to do was ask and I would have been there. You see, at the end of the day, I'm just a woman with the same scar, dreaming the same nightmares and believing in the same truths. 

There are days, like this one, when I don't know anything about anything anymore. Am I backing the right candidate? Should I keep on lying to myself that Russell is the good guy? Should I keep ignoring how different Josh acts around me? And how much he's changed since our days in the White House? It's like he's no longer the Josh Lyman I spent all those years with. Something's eating at him and I doubt that Amy will bring the solution. He looks so tired and beat all the time. One of these days he's going to blow up and do something stupid. I know him. He'll do something he'll regret later on, but won't be able to take it back. It will haunt him. It's just what he needs: another guilt-trip to add to the pile. Another headache to add to this madness we've created. 

Well, if anything, today's mess made one thing crystal clear to me. 

I miss Josh. 

I got what I wanted. I have a great job. People listen to me and respect my opinion. I get to advise the Vice-President of the USA. You might say I've climbed up and improved my position in the world. 

Everything ... everything I wanted. I have it. 

And look now. Look how it's all falling to pieces. It has all turned out to be pretty meaningless without the one thing I can't have. 

I swallow the desire to scream out my frustration and instead fill the silence in my room with a hoarse whisper, containing a desperate plea. 

"God, Josh ... when are we gonna stop playing these games? I'm tired too, you know. I'm so fucking tired." 


	6. Let Me In - Donna

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 6: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** Drought Conditions  
**Written:** 3/2/05  


Let me in - Donna's POV 

I want to go home. I want to go home and sit in my own comfy chair, sleep in my own bed. It's been ages since I did that. It's always from one hotel room to another. But not tonight, tonight I'll be able to go home. Well, if this function ever ends, that is. This is one of the longest parties I've ever had to attend. All night long I've done nothing but smile politely and talk to potential supporters for the campaign. I've had too much to drink and I have a crick in my neck, not to mention that my shoes are slowly killing me. But, nonetheless, the show must go on. More hands to shake and people to please. The last time I checked on our candidate, he was entertaining some senators with merry tales of the campaign. He was doing good, just talking about superficial things and not delving into huge political problems. Which is good, 'cause let's face it, this night is all about appearances and up until now he hasn't acted too idiotic, which was what I had somewhat feared. Seems my anxiety was not necessary. He is all over the place, shaking hands with the right people. Just like Will ... wait, where is Will? Oh, there he is and he's ... Oh my God, is that--? Well, I don't think Will is going to be of any help anymore; apparently there is something in Kate Harper's cleavage that is more interesting, considering the way he's eye-balling her bosom. The dirty little ... Wait a minute. This is excellent! Hopefully, he'll focus his attention on Kate from now on. I wouldn't mind them hooking up to produce off-spring as long as it keeps him from asking me out for any more dinner dates. I mean, I like him, but he is quite a bore when it's just me and him with no one else to entertain us there. He's really nothing like ... oh, there I go again. When will I be able to have a normal conversation with ... well, myself, without mentioning HIM!?! 

Hmmm, now that I'm on the subject anyway ... he looks really good in that suit tonight. He's working the room with tons of confidence and ego. Only, it's not real. I'm sure that if you don't know him, you'll see a handsome, capable and egotistic politician who knows exactly what he's doing and is walking around as if he owns the place and the people in it. But when you know him as well as I do, you will see that something is wrong. His eyes don't have that fire and passion tonight. I was right about him. He has been on the edge for weeks now and I believe the frustration has finally been released today. He's feeling guilty about something, but I'm not sure what. I just wish I could speak to him like I used to. I want to know what's wrong and I want to help him through it. But, that's not what we do anymore. Now, we just politely nod and say hi and goodbye when we pass in the hall. 

Although, I did have a few moments alone with him today. Right after I had pulled him into one of the maintenance closets. Oh, that doesn't sound too good, does it? I assure you, it was all quite innocent. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. I needed to talk to him without anyone overhearing us and it's not like we have an office anymore ... hmm, he ... it's not like he has an office anymore. I needed to speak to him because of something I had discovered about Senator Rafferty's new health plan. But, to be honest ... my mind stopped focusing on that problem the moment the closet door closed and he just uttered one short sentence that struck me to the core. 

_"Is our relationship about to change?"_

The stupid moron. I could have done without that little remark. Isn't our relationship strained enough already? Why does he have to always say these hurtful ... yet, well intended things? Why can't he just shut up for a change? I know, I know, we are still talking about Josh Lyman, master in cracking lame jokes at the wrong moment. Anyway, I explained the problem and after that he was all business again. He thanked me for the info and took off ... God knows who he went to harass then. 

I've got a feeling CJ knows more. I briefly talked to her earlier and she was acting very evasive about something. I had seen her talking to Toby and when I asked her where he was she just changed the subject by focusing my attention on one of the other guests. I really wish she hadn't. Because, there, talking to the President, stood Cliff Calley. Yes, the same one I used to date and who threatened to lock me up for concealing the truth. As for that one night I spent with him ... I've chosen to ignore it ever happened. I was lonely at the time. I loved a guy that wasn't interested in me ... yeah, what's new? I basically just wanted to wake up with someone next to me. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but when morning came and I realised that he was trying to gather his clothes and leave without waking me, I realised what a mistake it had been. Well, I was in a bad place and it happened, no need to delve into it any deeper. I have to admit I'm puzzled as to why he was there. CJ manoeuvred her way around the questions I asked about him. As an ex-Press Secretary, she excels at that. But the biggest irony of it all? She then proceeded to tell me that she was surprised that Cliff was a decent guy. According to her, he was smart, funny, witty, explosive and cocky ... much like Josh. And I probably would have agreed with her a few years ago. Because then, he was the man I actually slept with because he somewhat reminded me of the one I really wanted to be with. But now? Nah, it's like Josh always says ... there's nothing quite like the real thing. 

And here I am, back to worrying about Josh Lyman and his bruised psyche. You know what's funny? It's funny how I am incapable of bringing order in the mess that once was my well-organised life. Yet, I'd rather spend my time thinking about his possible problems and obsessing about how haggard he looks. What does that tell you about me? 

Yeah, I know ... pathetic, isn't it? 

I've got it bad. 


	7. This One Matters - Donna

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 7: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** A Good Day  
**Written:** 3/9/05  


This one matters - Donna's POV 

I can't believe I'm about to say this. Let's take a deep breath first ... okay ... Josh was right. Well, he was wrong about many, many things, but he was right about Matt Santos. The congressman is a good guy and would make a fine President. I was impressed when I found him talking to the junior Congressman from Arkansas in the dead of the night. God knows he must have been tired after a day of conspiring, but he still took all the time in the world to convince one soul of the benefits of stem cell research. Convince ... not coerce, there's a big difference between both words. 

There was something in the ways he led all those Democrats ... it was amazing. A plan was formed in his mind and somehow he managed to convince all of them to have a slumber party to outwit the Speaker and to get the vote through. Earlier, when he sat on me ... hmmm ... when we met, he told me this wasn't about the election but about winning one for the President. To be honest, I had some doubts about that comment. After all, isn't everything about the election these days? But after I heard him talking to that young Congressman ... I believe him. More importantly, I believe in him. Isn't that terribly hypocritical of me? I mean, I work for one candidate, but secretly admire another. Would it be horribly mean of me to say that I wouldn't mind President Santos in the future? And, believe me, even though I've been obsessing about Josh a lot lately, this has nothing to do with him. Well, besides the fact that he has good taste in candidates, something I can't say about his taste in women ... but, let's not go there. No, what I find so remarkable is just how different he is from Bob Russell. I mean, I always knew they were focused on different goals in their race for the presidency, but in the end they were still competing to get the prize. Just like little boys that can't stand losing. But, now that I've actually seen him in action from up close, the difference with Russell is gigantic. The Vice-President only came here to get support for his campaign. But, not Santos ... he was there out of idealism and belief in a better future. Aren't those the exact qualities a true President is made of? 

It has been amazing. We worked towards a greater goal and it made us all feel good about ourselves in the process. Everyone pitched in. Even Cliff. I was taken aback when I first heard that CJ had offered him the position of Deputy Chief of Staff. No wonder she didn't want to tell me when I asked her at the gala the other day. I talked to him today. He told me I had changed, but I'm not alone in that department. He has changed too. The old Cliff would have never gone to work for a Democratic administration. He was too much of a ... well ... Republican for that. When we talked ... let's just say that I was reminded again about what it was that attracted me to him in the first place. Even though we're not quite there yet, I wouldn't mind having him as a friend. I think it could be nice. Besides, avoiding him would take too much effort, since he is going to stick around now that he has Josh's job. Yeah, Josh's job ... you know the first thought that popped up in my mind when I heard he had the job? Now I'm finally able to say that I slept with the Deputy Chief of Staff ... how ironic. 

But still ... the last two days were good. I didn't get to go to Atlanta with the rest of the Russell campaign and I did miss the little peach things but, to be honest, I don't really care. What I witnessed here made me feel proud and special and it surpassed everything I've ever felt for Russell. For I saw Josh's idealism, kindness and leadership without actually seeing 'him'. All those qualities that I love in Josh and that make him the unique force he is today ... all of them I've seen at work through the actions of a man he supports unconditionally. 

Matt Santos for President? 

Sounds pretty good to me. 


	8. Take a Bow - Donna

**Odyssey of Minds, pt 8: Donna POV**

**by:** Ellen  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humour/Fluff/ Angst  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.   
**Spoiler:** La Palabra  
**Written:** 3/23/05  


Take a bow - Donna's POV 

They all think I knew. The whole press corps has been following me around, convinced that somehow, I knew about John Hoynes and why he was lingering in New York. Well, let me clear something up here ... I didn't know anything about Hoynes or that woman he supposedly harassed. I just used my common sense to put two and two together, made an innocent call and left it to the press to work it out. And suddenly I've become this evil woman, plotting the downfall of an enemy. It sucks big time. Now they all regard me as 'the one who leaked the story' and it's a brandish I'll never get rid off. Great way to start my new career as spokeswoman of the Russell campaign. Yeah, that's my job now. I told Will that I felt ready for more responsibility and apparently he agreed, 'cause only a minute later I was giving a statement to the press. It feels funny ... for years I've always had the same function at the White House and the minute I get out I keep getting promoted. Why is that funny? Well, it's not like I never told Josh that I wanted to do something more than just being his assistant. The difference with Will is ... during the last year, Josh never gave me any space to make my way up the professional ladder. It's almost as if he liked me exactly where I was and didn't want to let go. After all, it must have been easy for him. I did my job to the best of my abilities and I was completely dedicated to him. What more could a boss ask for? Still ... I always expected something more from him. Maybe too much? 

Anyway, that's all in the past. I'm here now and I like my new job. It enables me to show people my wit and quick thinking. It's an excellent career move, showing possible future employers out there that I'm good at what I do. I wonder if this is what CJ felt like when she took on the job as Press Secretary? Not that I'm comparing myself with CJ ... I mean, she's this amazing accomplished woman who went to university. While I'm still a girl that dropped out of college and who was extremely lucky to bump into the right person at the right time. If I had met Toby that day in the New Hampshire headquarters of 'Bartlet for President', I probably would have been kicked out of there in no time. But instead I met this obnoxious, arrogant, full-of-himself, idealistic, good-looking and smart-as-hell guy who basically taught me everything about politics I needed to know. Let's face it, if it hadn't been for Josh Lyman I wouldn't be where I am today and for that I'll always be grateful. Of course, if I had never met him I would have never fallen in love with him and permanent heart ache wouldn't be part of my life right now… but that's another can of worms that best stay closed. 

Oh, did I tell you? Super Tuesday ... well, Santos won California and I'm kinda responsible for that. I caused the downfall of John Hoynes ... leaving the path for Santos wide open. Of course, it didn't hurt for him to appear on TV when the governor of California announced he wasn't supporting the new bill to refuse driver's licenses for illegal immigrants. But, in the end, Santos and Josh owe this victory partially to me. I administered the first blow and they just finished the job. I can't describe how I feel about that. Josh must have seen me on the news. My face has been plastered all over the screen for hours. I keep wondering what he's thinking. Is he disappointed that I apparently single-handedly brought down John Hoynes with a sex-scandal? I'd like to think he knows me well enough to realise I would never do such a thing. And if he is angry and does believe I'm the one responsible, I should really rethink the whole 'Josh knows me better than anyone else' theory, because then he clearly doesn't know the first thing about me. Maybe I should give him a call ... let him in on my version of the story. A story that ended up with Santos winning California. That's how it is, I'm miles and miles away from Josh in every perspective and I still end up helping him out. Sound familiar to anyone? 

I think it's time I confessed. 

"Hi, I'm Donnatella Moss, I'm a Joshoholic ... and proud of it." 


End file.
